Series 10 Episode 19 – The Collaboration Fluctuation

Scene: The apartment.

Raj: You know, downward-facing dog comes from the Sanskrit phrase adho mukha shvanasana.

Penny: Oh, that’s beautiful. What does it mean?

Raj: Downward-facing dog.

Penny: Yeah, I guess they don’t have Sanskrit for butts up and heads down.

Raj: Hey, we wrote the Kama Sutra. If it involves butts, there’s a word for it.

Leonard: I thought we were getting breakfast before work.

Penny: Oh, right, sorry.

Raj: It’s my fault. I asked Penny to do yoga with me.

Penny: If you want, I can get ready in five minutes.

Leonard: It’s cute that you think that. Don’t worry about it.

Raj: Hey, can I ask you a favour? Would you mind taking Cinnamon for a walk?

Leonard: Sure. You’re living here for free, I guess I owe you.

Raj: Bye, Cinnamon. Be a good girl.

Penny: Yeah, bye, sweetie.

Leonard: Bye.

Penny: Yeah, yeah, bye, Leonard.

Raj: Okay, and tree pose.

Leonard: Well, she’s done.

Credits sequence.

Scene: Amy’s car.

Sheldon: Things have been going really well with the infinite resistance gyroscope.

Amy: That’s great. How so?

Sheldon: Oh, the project is classified. I can’t tell you. Oh, I suppose I could redact the classified parts. All right, um, I came up with an elegant solution to the (honks horn) I used the (honks horn) And then I (honks horn) And that did it. (Car passes honking horn) Wow, I wonder what they’re redacting.

Amy: Why don’t you ask me what I’m working on?

Sheldon: Oh, very well. What have you been working on? And feel free to honk during the boring parts.

Amy: I’m doing some experiments to show that the signal to move a muscle occurs before you know you even decided to move it.

Sheldon: So you’re attempting to pinpoint where consciousness resides in the brain.

Amy: Yes, I’m trying to figure out to the nanometer and the attosecond, precisely where and when an event of awareness takes place.

Sheldon: Well, what do you know? Here I was, waiting to be bored with biology, and instead you tickle my intellectual fancy. Which, unlike my body, is an okay place to tickle.

Amy: You know, when I was six, I wanted to marry the gorilla from Good Night, Gorilla. Maybe I was onto something.

Scene: The cafeteria.

Sheldon: Gentlemen, the most interesting thing just happened with this spoon.

Howard: Unless it was singing Be Our Guest, I doubt it.

Sheldon: Yeah, I picked it up without thinking about it. Which raises a neuroscientific question, when did I decide to pick it up?

Raj: The bigger question is, what are you gonna eat with that spoon? You didn’t get any food.

Leonard: He does raise an interesting point.

Sheldon: Amy is studying the time lag between intent and awareness, and I realized that applies to the measurement problem in quantum mechanics. Now, I recognize there will be a time lag between me saying that and you Googling what it means, so I’ll wait.

Leonard: I understand it, Sheldon.

Raj: Yeah, me, too.

Howard: I’m sorry, I spaced. Are we still talking about the spoon?

Raj: It’s nice to see you taking an interest in Amy’s work.

Sheldon: Well, don’t get me wrong. Neurobiology’s nothing more than the science of gray squishy stuff. But, you know, when it connects to physics, gas up the Ford, Martha, we’re going for a drive.

Scene: The apartment.

Raj: So did you confront Jennifer?

Penny: No, I was going to, but she called in sick. And guess who else called in sick.

Raj: Paul.

Penny: Paul.

Leonard: Who’s Paul?

Penny: Oh, you met him at the office Christmas party. He’s married to Nancy.

Leonard: Oh, sure. Wait, Nancy?

Penny: I bet Jennifer gets a promotion out of this, which is so unfair because I work twice as hard as she does.

Raj: Don’t worry, Jerry won’t be fooled by that type of behaviour.

Leonard: Jerry?

Raj: It didn’t work for Randy, it didn’t work for Tina, it sure as hell isn’t gonna work for Jennifer.

Penny: Well, I hope not. I just hate when people play those kinds of games.

Leonard: Tina?

Raj: With your sales record, you have nothing to worry about.

Penny: Mm.

Leonard: I went to your office Christmas party?

Scene: Sheldon and Amy’s apartment.

Amy: You know, I like harp lessons, but I’m thinking of switching to elevator repair lessons. What are you working on?

Sheldon: I was thinking about your experiment on the neuroscience of decision making, and I realized, if we connect it to the measurement problem in quantum mechanics, we have a chance to disprove the role of consciousness in the Copenhagen Interpretation.

Amy: Wait, are you saying if we combine my experiment with your calculations, we can determine the precise moment in time when the wave function collapses?

Sheldon: It could be the most inspired combination since I mixed red Icee into my blue Icee. It was like drinking two sevenths of the rainbow.

Amy: Sheldon, this is really interesting.

Sheldon: Yeah, and this one won’t stain my teeth purple.

Amy: You know, we’ve never collaborated professionally before. Are you worried it might affect our relationship?

Sheldon: That is a valid point. Perhaps we should establish some ground rules.

Amy: Well, that would make me feel better.

Sheldon: All right, let’s start right now. Uh, rule number one, no using sexuality to get your way.

Amy: That’s a ridiculous rule.

Sheldon: Is it?

Scene: The apartment.

Penny: Okay, how is that?

Raj: I can actually feel the toxins being pulled out of my skin.

Penny: Well, this is a moisturizing mask.

Raj: Oh, well, then I can actually feel the moisture going into my skin.

Penny: Hey, I hope you don’t mind, I used a little of your eye cream last night.

Raj: I thought someone looked brighter and tighter.

Leonard: I’d still like to know who Jerry is.

Penny: Don’t worry about it. Hey, after this, how about we all go out and do something together?

Leonard: That would be great. Thank you.

Raj: You want to go shopping?

Penny: Ooh, yes. Fun.

Leonard: Or we could do something we’ll all enjoy, like play a board game.

Montage of shopping scenes.

Scene: Sheldon and Amy’s apartment.

Sheldon: I believe I’ve made some progress on our ground rules.

Amy: Oh, good. What are they?

Sheldon: Okay, uh, number one, in matters of physics, I have the final say. In matters of neuroscience, you have the final say. Unless I disagree. Oh, here. Number two, when we publish,

my name goes first. Oh, subsequently, if we win any awards, I speak first. I don’t want to be talking when the orchestra plays us off.

Amy: Can I see that?

Sheldon: Oh, of course. I’ll get that back. Like all my underwear, that notebook says Property of Sheldon Cooper.

Amy: Sheldon, if we’re gonna have ground rules, I’ll tell you the first ground rule. I make the ground rules.

Sheldon: I’d write that down, but I can’t now, can I?

Scene: Howard and Bernadette’s minivan.

Leonard: I mean, they didn’t say anything, but I just kind of felt like I was being a weird third wheel.

Howard: Huh, so you can tell what that feels like. Interesting.

Leonard: Anyway, I figured I can hang out with my friends and have fun, too.

Bernadette: Well, if your idea of fun is riding in a minivan to Target for diapers, things are about to get nuts.

Leonard: Oh, it’s just nice to be with people who are happy to have me around. Isn’t that right, Halley?

Halley: (cries)

Howard: Well, at least someone had the courage to say it.

Scene: Sheldon and Amy’s door.

Sheldon: Thank you, you are a good citizen. Told you. Go ahead, throw my underwear out the window. Same thing’s gonna happen.

Amy: Terrific. Do you want to hear our new set of ground rules?

Sheldon: Fire away.

Amy: Number one, we’re on the same team, we’re not in competition.

Sheldon: That’s smart, because Sheldon 1, Amy 0.

Amy: Number two, disagreements can happen politely. There’s no need to call an idea stupid.

Sheldon: Aw, someone drew a penis in it.

Amy: Are you listening?

Sheldon: I’m sorry, go ahead.

Amy: Number three, to avoid getting frustrated, we take built-in breaks and reward our successes with a small treat.

Sheldon: Ooh, that sounds fun. Now, we’re talking about real treats, right? Not Bible verses like my mother used to give me.

Amy: Whatever you want. So, shall we get to work?

Sheldon: Biology and physics coming together, this is like the peanut butter cup of the mind. Oh, I know what I want my treat to be.

Montage of Sheldon and Amy working together.

Amy: Wow. Look at that.

Sheldon: Yes, this is remarkable.

Amy: So we’re agreed, it’s complete garbage.

Sheldon: By the way, your name can go first.

Scene: Inside a store.

Leonard: I mean, I’m glad they’re getting along, but it’s starting to make me uncomfortable.

Bernadette: Well, are you worried he’s like another man in her life?

Leonard: A little, until I saw them in matching tops.

Howard: Nice. 174 diapers. That ought to get us to Wednesday.

Bernadette: Well, have you talked to them about it?

Leonard: Well, what am I supposed to say, stop having fun without me?

Howard: This one says that every time I go out. See? I listen to you.

Bernadette: Look, Raj just gets along with women.

Leonard: I know, but he was my friend first. It’s like she’s stealing him and they’re just having the best time doing all their dumb girly stuff together.

Howard: You sure you don’t fit in? You sound like a catty bitch to me.

Scene: Sheldon and Amy’s apartment.

Amy: I don’t know where we went wrong.

Sheldon: Yeah, the math is so inelegant. I’m not even sure it makes sense.

Amy: Well, don’t give up. Maybe we can fix it.

Sheldon: Can you stop breathing so loud? I can hear your nose whistling.

Amy: I can hear your face talking, so we’re even.

Sheldon: All right, either blow your nose or teach it to play Camptown Races.

Amy: Fine. Fine. You want me to blow my nose? Here, I’ll blow it. Better?

Sheldon: No, I can still hear it. Oh, wait, that’s me. Never mind, it’s fine.

Amy: You know, you’re exhausting. I knew working together was a bad idea.

Sheldon: Hold on. I see what’s wrong here. We did the propagation only to the occipital lobe, not to the prefrontal cortex.

Amy: That would mean that this delayed parameter should be increased 250 milliseconds.

Sheldon: Oh, that is much better. Yeah, boy, if good ideas came out of your brain the way mucus comes out of your nose, we’d be in good shape.

Scene: The apartment.

Raj: Now, take a sip, swirl it around your mouth, and try to notice the flavours, the tannins, the textures. Well?

Penny: I probably should have spit out my gum first.

Raj: Yeah. You know, the last couple of weeks have been pretty rough, but, uh, staying here with you guys has really helped take my mind off of it.

Penny: Mm. Well, we’ve loved having you around. Right, sweetie? Leonard?

Raj: When did he leave?

Penny: Yeah, that’s rude.

Scene: Howard and Bernadette’s minivan.

Leonard: You know, it’s nice to spend time with people who don’t talk about work like it’s some kind of soap opera.

Bernadette: Jennifer still trying to sleep her way to the top?

Leonard: Yeah.

Howard: You should be happy someone wants to do the stuff with Penny you don’t want to.

Bernadette: Yeah, I wish I had that with Howard.

Howard: Wait. What? What do I make you do?

Bernadette: Let’s see, the magic store, the Doctor Who convention, the National Belt Buckle Collector’s meet and greet.

Howard: It said right there on the invitation, buckle up for fun. It’s not my fault you didn’t listen.

Leonard: I’m sure I’m overreacting.

Bernadette: You’re entitled to feel how you feel. If you don’t like it, you should just talk to her.

Leonard: I don’t want to sound like a jealous baby.

Bernadette: Oh, then maybe you shouldn’t talk to her.

Scene: Sheldon and Amy’s apartment.

Amy: I had a feeling you were using the wrong computational model, but I didn’t say anything ’cause you’re so sensitive.

Sheldon: Just because I am easily bothered by light, heat, sound, smell and the way birds look at me does not mean I’m sensitive.

Amy: Hey, I wonder what kind of success we’d have if we defined measurement as the first moment that an action potential is seen by the visual cortex.

Sheldon: That is a daring and insightful solution.

Amy: We’re finally making progress. I wish we could do it without fighting.

Sheldon: What if the fighting is the reason we’re making progress?

Amy: I suppose it’s conceivable that the hormones associated with our fight-or-flight response could be sharpening our cognitive processes.

Sheldon: Well, if that’s the case, then your grandparents mumble and have bad posture.

Amy: How dare you speak that way about my Grammy and hey, wait a second. Wait. Delta T could equal alpha sub-zero.

Sheldon: It seems we have a choice to make. Abandon all ground rules in the name of science, or give up collaborating for the sake of our relationship.

Amy: There’s only one clear choice.

Sheldon: Science it is.

Amy: No, you bonehead.

Sheldon: Name calling, that is perfect. Now, when I get to this equation here, really let me have it. You know? If it helps, I’m not the sharpest dresser.

Scene: The apartment.

Leonard: Anyway, I know it’s silly, but since Raj moved in, I’ve been feeling a little left out.

Penny: Well, sweetie, that’s crazy.

Raj: No, no, Penny, don’t dismiss his feelings.

Leonard: Thank you. I just feel…

Raj: Hang on, I’m not saying that his feelings aren’t crazy. I just don’t want him to think that this isn’t a safe place.

Leonard: Well, to be truthful…

Penny: Well, why wouldn’t this be a safe place? I mean, he’s surrounded by his wife and one of his best friends.

Raj: I don’t want to speak for Leonard.

Leonard: Thank you. I…

Raj: But when you’re insecure, no amount of external validation can ever make you feel safe.

Penny: Yeah, you’re right. You know, you’re really sensitive about this kind of stuff.

Raj: I’m a good listener.

Penny: Yeah.

Leonard: Hey, Olsen twins…

Penny: What?

Leonard: Well, I mean, I’m sitting right here. You’re talking about my feelings and somehow leaving me out of the conversation.

Raj: I’m sorry. What did you want to say?

Leonard: I don’t know, you pretty much covered it.

Scene: Sheldon and Amy’s apartment.

Sheldon: Can you read them back?

Amy: Revised ground rule number one, we are on the same team, but it is a competition.

Sheldon: Excellent. Excellent. And on a related point, you’re going down, punk.

Amy: Revised ground rule number two, there are definitely stupid questions, and those who ask them can be told so right to their stupid face.

Sheldon: I love that one.

Amy: Thanks, babe. Number three, fair topics for insult include educational pedigree, scientific field, intellectual prowess, and mamas.

Sheldon: Yeah, that list is strong. Like your mother’s urge to be promiscuous with sailors.

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