Series 8 Episode 15 – The Comic Book Store Regeneration
Scene: Amy’s laboratory.
Sheldon: I’ve invented a science joke, would you like to hear it?
Sheldon: How many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Amy: How many?
Sheldon: Who cares? He stole the idea and doesn’t deserve his own joke.
Amy: Is that really true?
Sheldon: Of course, that’s how you know it’s a good joke. It not only entertains, it informs.
Barry: Hey, sowwy to intewupt.
Sheldon: Uh, Barry, uh, how many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Barry: Did you know Edison didn’t actuawy invent the wight bulb?
Sheldon: What do you want, Barry?
Barry: Just wanted to dwop this off as a wittle thank you for Amy.
Amy: What’s this for?
Barry: Your idea weawy hewped me out. My wight-cone quantization paper’s onwine alweady. The wesponse has been amazing.
Amy: Well, that’s fascinating. I can’t wait to read it.
Sheldon: Oh, no, me as well. Uh, please e-mail it to Sheldon at bazinga dot biz. Why dot biz? Because I just gave you the business. And also bazinga dot com was taken.
Barry: Anyway, thanks again. Cooper, suck eggs.
Sheldon: Since when do you help out Barry Kripke?
Amy: Well, I’d been thinking about a cellular automata approach to neuronal connectivity, and I thought it might have some interesting applications to string theory, it’s not a big deal.
Sheldon: Oh, really? When I was doing string theory and hit a dead end, why didn’t you try to help me?
Amy: I did. You said the only math biologists know is if you have three frogs and one hops away, that leaves two frogs.
Sheldon: That’s pretty funny, that does sound like me. But that doesn’t mean that you should be standing on street corners handing out your math to whatever guy comes along.
Amy: Sheldon, we’re all scientists. I helped out a fellow colleague. You’re being petty.
Sheldon: I’m being petty? You know Barry and I have a professional rivalry. You heard him, he told me to suck eggs. If we were friends, he would have suggested I suck something more pleasant. Why are you laughing? Did you learn something?
Scene: Howard and Bernadette’s apartment.
Howard (on phone): Okay, Ma. Say hi to Aunt Gladys. Yeah, I love you, too. Bye.
Bernadette: Your mom having fun in Florida?
Howard: Mmm, she loves it. She finally found a place where everyone talks about how sweaty they are. Anyway, she wants us to go to the house and check in on Stuart because he might be lonely.
Bernadette: She’s just being nice.
Howard: Well, I’m her son, how come she doesn’t send someone to check on me if I’m lonely?
Bernadette: Because you have a wife.
Howard: Yeah, well, sometimes you work late.
Bernadette: I know you don’t like Stuart being in the house, but the store’s about to reopen, I’m sure he’ll get back on his feet.
Howard: That would be great. I’d love for things between me and Mom to get back to normal.
Bernadette: Well, normal’s a strong word, but sure.
Scene: The laundry room.
Penny: You okay?
Sheldon: If I was okay, I would’ve said hello, and not the much more ominous hello.
Penny: What’s going on?
Sheldon: I’m mad at Amy.
Penny: Did she leave pit stains in your favourite crop top, too?
Sheldon: No. She helped Barry Kripke make an advancement in string theory.
Penny: Oh, that sounds like a good thing.
Sheldon: Well, it would be, except that I left string theory because I decided it was a dead end. Yeah, and then she went behind my back to help someone else prove me wrong. My rival, no less. I’m sorry you had to see that.
Penny: I’m sorry I didn’t have a camera.
Sheldon: Why would she do this to me?
Penny: Well, I’m sure she didn’t upset you on purpose. Besides, aren’t you the one who says there’s nothing more important than the advancement of science?
Sheldon: No, I said there’s nothing more important than me advancing science.
Penny: All right, well, if I’m understanding this right, and all she did was help out another scientist, I’m thinking you might have to let this one go.
Sheldon: Ugh, let it go. I have heard that my whole life. Every time something upsets me somebody says, let it go, you know, like it’s my fault, and it’s not okay to feel the way I feel.
Penny: I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, why don’t you talk to her?
Sheldon: Is that all you have? Shopworn tidbits like talk to her and let it go? Gee, Penny, life’s giving me lemons. What should I do?
Penny: Well, you could shove them somewhere.
Sheldon: Okay, now you’re getting creative.
Scene: The comic book store.
Stuart: Thanks again for your help.
Leonard: No problem.
Raj: Our pleasure.
Leonard: The place really looks great.
Raj: Yeah, you should have burned it down years ago.
Stuart: I keep telling you I didn’t burn it down.
Leonard: We know, we know, because burning something down for the insurance money is a crime.
Bernadette: Stuart, this place looks amazing.
Howard: You really did a nice job.
Stuart: And thank you for putting up with me staying at your mom’s through all this. I couldn’t have done it otherwise.
Howard: I appreciate that, and I’m glad you were able to… is that my mother’s furniture?
Stuart: Yeah, she said I could use it. Doesn’t it look great?
Howard: Not as great as it looks in the den where it belongs.
Howard: Why don’t you just clean out the whole room? Take the string art clown I made her in third grade and the ribbon I got in swim class for putting my face in the water.
Stuart: What is your problem? She said it was okay.
Howard: Well, I’m her son, and I say it’s not okay.
Stuart: Some son, looks like you spent ten minutes on that clown art.
Howard: Well, maybe I should’ve gone to a fancy art school like you. Then I could run a failed comic shop and mooch off some guy’s mother.
Bernadette: Why don’t we leave so you can cool off?
Stuart: I think that’s a good idea. Take him out of my store.
Howard: Your store? My mother gave you the money to reopen. I’m not going anywhere.
Leonard: Why don’t we go get the food for the party.
Stuart: Thank you.
Raj: Smart, looks like we’re being helpful.
Leonard: Mmm, when really we’re just exiting an uncomfortable situation.
Scene: Penny’s apartment.
Sheldon: Kripke, you know, of all the people, Barry Kripke. I’m so… Are you folding that like a crazy person to get me to do it for you?
Sheldon: Oh, give me that. Just out of curiosity, if I were to let something go, how would I do that?
Penny: I don’t know, just think about something else.
Sheldon: Can I think about the spiny anteater?
Sheldon: The spiny anteater never went behind my back and worked with Barry Kripke. That didn’t help at all.
Penny: You know, some people try visualization.
Sheldon: How does that work?
Penny: Okay, imagine your problems are a pen.
Penny: Now imagine you’re holding that pen.
Penny: Now open your hand and let it go.
Sheldon: But I just got this pen. It’s got my initials on it and everything. Look.
Penny: Sheldon, this isn’t that hard.
Sheldon: I may have a better way that you can teach me.
Sheldon: What if I told you that over the past few months Amy has secretly been giving you little puzzles to test your intelligence against chimpanzees in her lab?
Penny: What? She didn’t give me any puzzles.
Sheldon: Are you sure?
Amy (in flashback): Boy, I just can’t seem to get these scissors back together. Can you do it?
Amy (in flashback): Darn it. There’s something in my eye, and I need to sort these coins by size. Can you help?
Amy (in flashback): Penny? I really want to eat this banana, but it’s stuck inside this bamboo puzzle box.
Penny: Son of a bitch.
Sheldon: Okay, that’s great. Now, let it go.
Penny: I can’t believe you were testing me against a chimp.
Sheldon: Well, excuse me, Amy was testing you. I was rooting for you. Good job on that banana box, by the way.
Penny: Why would she even do this?
Sheldon: She’s been conducting an experiment on apes where they’re given various puzzles to solve. I was surprised at the complexity of the puzzles and thought some humans wouldn’t be able to solve them. That’s when Amy said, want to make this interesting?
Penny: Make this interesting? You bet money on me?
Sheldon: No, no. We designed an experiment involving you. See? Now, isn’t that interesting?
Penny: It’s not interesting. It’s incredibly insulting.
Sheldon: Okay, maybe this will help. Imagine you’re holding a pen. Before you go too far, not a special pen with your initials engraved on it, that’ll make the next part really hard.
Penny: Oh, my, that’s it. Get out.
Sheldon: I don’t understand why you’re mad at me. You should be mad at Amy. Like I was this afternoon. Hey, look at that, I let it go.
Penny: Get out.
Sheldon: I think I left my pen in there.
Scene: The comic book store.
Bernadette: I understand why you’re upset, but he worked really hard to get the store ready. And it’s just furniture.
Howard: It’s my mom’s furniture. It belongs in the house I grew up in, next to that pile of TV Guides and in plain view of what, for a ten-year-old, was a quality piece of string art.
Bernadette: Howie, if the store succeeds, Stuart has a source of income, and he can move out of your mother’s house. Seems like some old furniture is a reasonable price to pay for that.
Howard: That is a good point. But I didn’t marry you for good points. I married you to blindly support me no matter how ridiculous I’m being.
Bernadette: This is why I had to rewrite our wedding vows.
Scene: A deli.
Leonard: Hi, we’re here to pick up an order for Comic Center.
Waitress: Sure, let me go check on that.
Raj: Dude, I, I think that’s Nathan Fillion.
Leonard: Oh yeah, look at that.
Raj: And he’s picking the tomatoes out of his salad just like I do. I always did feel a connection with him. Oh, I have got an idea.
Leonard: We’re not selling his tomatoes on eBay.
Raj: No, if we got Captain Reynolds from Firefly to do a signing at Stuart’s store, that would be amazing.
Leonard: That would be great.
Raj: So should we go talk to him?
Leonard: I don’t know. I mean, if he’s not nice, it’s gonna make it hard for me to watch him in anything again.
Raj: What? The, the guy who plays Jon Snow was a jerk. We still watch Game of Thrones.
Leonard: He was a jerk because you rear-ended him.
Raj: I was distracted. It’s weird seeing a member of the Night’s Watch with a kayak strapped to his car. Come on. Hi, excuse me, s, sorry, I, I don’t mean to bother you, but we’re just really big fans of Firefly. And Dr. Horrible.
Nathan Fillion: Oh, uh, I think you made a mistake. I’m not an actor.
Raj: Don’t say that. I mean, you’re not Dame Judi Dench, but you’re pretty great.
Nathan Fillion: Oh, yeah, I get it, you think I’m Nathan Fillion, but I’m not. So if you don’t mind, I would just love to eat my lunch.
Leonard: Come on. Sorry to bother you.
Raj: Don’t know why he’s so grumpy. I got mistaken for that guy in Life of Pi once, and I’m still floating.
Scene: The hallway.
Amy: Sheldon, it’s me.
Penny: Oh, hey. Did you see that? I, I figured out how to open the door all by myself. Maybe I’ll fling some faeces around my cage to celebrate.
Amy: What are you talking about?
Penny: I know you’ve been giving me secret puzzle tests.
Amy: Sheldon, open the door.
Sheldon: I can’t. I’m naked.
Amy: I just saw you.
Sheldon: Hang on.
Penny: Open the door now.
Amy: Oh, hey.
Penny: Pull up your pants.
Amy: It’s not a big deal. I run tests like this on undergrads all the time. If you fill out some paperwork at the university, I can get you five dollars.
Penny: I don’t want five dollars. I want my dignity.
Amy: So what are we talking, like, ten bucks?
Scene: The deli.
Leonard: Thank you.
Leonard: Sorry again.
Nathan Fillion: No problem.
Raj: Are you sure you’re not him? Uh, you can tell us. We’re scientists, not crazy fanboys.
Nathan Fillion: All right, fine. I’m him.
Raj: And you’re eating alone at a deli. I don’t buy it, you’re not him.
Nathan Fillion: I just wanted to eat my lunch in peace. But I really am him. And thank you very much for being a fan. If you want, uh, let’s take a picture.
Leonard: That would be great.
Leonard: Yeah, thank you.
Nathan Fillion: You bet.
Raj: Wait, hang on. If you’re really Nathan Fillion, what’s the line from Firefly about your bonnet?
Nathan Fillion: I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.
Leonard: That’s it, that’s the line.
Raj: Although, I knew the line, doesn’t make me Nathan Fillion.
Nathan Fillion: Do you want the picture or not?
Raj: I want a picture with Nathan Fillion.
Nathan: How about a picture with a guy who looks like Nathan Fillion but a little more annoyed than Nathan Fillion usually is?
Leonard: What do you think?
Raj: Ah, it’s good enough for Facebook.
Scene: The comic book store.
Leonard: I can’t believe they did that.
Penny: I know, it’s so insulting. At one point, they had me figure out how to get a banana out of a puzzle box.
Leonard: Wait, Sheldon gave me a banana in a box. He was testing me, too.
Leonard: And how could a chimp even solve that? That was impossible.
Penny: Really? You couldn’t get it out?
Sheldon: Thank you.
Amy: Wow, the store looks great.
Leonard: So you guys were testing us both? What is the matter with you?
Penny: Eh, what’s the matter with them is they think they’re so smart they don’t care if they hurt other people’s feelings.
Amy: That’s not true.
Sheldon: That sounds like us. I still don’t understand why you’re upset. You solved every puzzle faster than all of the chimps.
Amy: Well, except Barnabas, but he was on Adderall.
Howard: I’m sorry, but it’s making me crazy.
Bernadette: Can you please just let it go?
Sheldon: Oh, I can help you with that. Imagine you’re holding an ordinary pen. While your favourite pen is safe and secure in your pocket.
Howard: Hold that thought. (On phone) Hello?
Amy: How can I make this up to you?
Penny: The answer’s in this puzzle box. Let’s see if you can open it.
Stuart: You could have at least warned him about the furniture.
Raj: That’s what I said when we moved it.
Bernadette: You helped him?
Raj: No, Stuart picked out those throw pillows all on his own.
Leonard: Hey, you okay?
Leonard: What’s wrong?
Howard: My mom died.
Howard: Uh, that was my aunt. Ma took a nap. She never woke up.
Bernadette: Oh, my God, Howie.
Leonard: I’m so sorry.
Raj: What can we do?
Howard: I don’t know.
Sheldon: May I say something?
Leonard: Not right now, Sheldon.
Sheldon: But I think it would be comforting.
Howard: No, it’s okay. What?
Sheldon: When I lost my own father, I didn’t have any friends to help me through it. You do.
Penny: I really thought he was gonna say let it go.
Scene: The apartment.
Raj (on phone): Okay, thanks, Bernadette. Travel safe. Okay, bye. Well, they’ve booked a flight. They’re heading to the airport now.
Penny: How’s Howard holding up?
Raj: He’s hanging in there.
Leonard: How are you doing, Stuart?
Stuart: Still can’t believe she’s gone. I mean, that woman took me in. If it wasn’t for her, I, I would have been homeless.
Amy: One of us would have taken you in.
Stuart: Yeah, I don’t recall any offers. But, you know what, uh, I, I’m glad it worked out the way it did because I got to know this wonderful person.
Raj: Yeah. Mrs. Wolowitz was pretty special. When I first moved to America, Howard was my only friend and she made me feel so welcome in her home. Which says a lot, because, those first few years, she thought I was the gardener.
Penny: Whenever I saw her, she’d say I was too skinny and try and feed me.
Amy: She did that to me, too.
Penny: Don’t take this away from me.
Sheldon: I didn’t care for her yelling. But now that I’m not going to hear it again, I’m sad.
Leonard: If you want, I can yell at you later.
Sheldon: It won’t be as good.
Leonard: Let’s have a toast. To Mrs. Wolowitz. A loving mother to all of us. We’ll miss you.