Series 08 Episode 15 – The Comic Book Store Regeneration

Scene: Amy’s laboratory.

Sheldon: I’ve invented a science joke, would you like to hear it?

Amy: Sure.

Sheldon: How many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Amy: How many?

Sheldon: Who cares? He stole the idea and doesn’t deserve his own joke.

Amy: Is that really true?

Sheldon: Of course, that’s how you know it’s a good joke. It not only entertains, it informs.

Barry: Hey, sowwy to intewupt.

Sheldon: Uh, Barry, uh, how many Edisons does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Barry: Did you know Edison didn’t actuawy invent the wight bulb?

Sheldon: What do you want, Barry?

Barry: Just wanted to dwop this off as a wittle thank you for Amy.

Amy: What’s this for?

Barry: Your idea weawy hewped me out. My wight-cone quantization paper’s onwine alweady. The wesponse has been amazing.

Amy: Well, that’s fascinating. I can’t wait to read it.

Sheldon: Oh, no, me as well. Uh, please e-mail it to Sheldon at bazinga dot biz. Why dot biz? Because I just gave you the business. And also bazinga dot com was taken.

Barry: Anyway, thanks again. Cooper, suck eggs.

Sheldon: Since when do you help out Barry Kripke?

Amy: Well, I’d been thinking about a cellular automata approach to neuronal connectivity, and I thought it might have some interesting applications to string theory, it’s not a big deal.

Sheldon: Oh, really? When I was doing string theory and hit a dead end, why didn’t you try to help me?

Amy: I did. You said the only math biologists know is if you have three frogs and one hops away, that leaves two frogs.

Sheldon: That’s pretty funny, that does sound like me. But that doesn’t mean that you should be standing on street corners handing out your math to whatever guy comes along.

Amy: Sheldon, we’re all scientists. I helped out a fellow colleague. You’re being petty.

Sheldon: I’m being petty? You know Barry and I have a professional rivalry. You heard him, he told me to suck eggs. If we were friends, he would have suggested I suck something more pleasant. Why are you laughing? Did you learn something?

Credits sequence.

Scene: Howard and Bernadette’s apartment.

Howard (on phone): Okay, Ma. Say hi to Aunt Gladys. Yeah, I love you, too. Bye.

Bernadette: Your mom having fun in Florida?

Howard: Mmm, she loves it. She finally found a place where everyone talks about how sweaty they are. Anyway, she wants us to go to the house and check in on Stuart because he might be lonely.

Bernadette: She’s just being nice.

Howard: Well, I’m her son, how come she doesn’t send someone to check on me if I’m lonely?

Bernadette: Because you have a wife.

Howard: Yeah, well, sometimes you work late.

Bernadette: I know you don’t like Stuart being in the house, but the store’s about to reopen, I’m sure he’ll get back on his feet.

Howard: That would be great. I’d love for things between me and Mom to get back to normal.

Bernadette: Well, normal’s a strong word, but sure.

Scene: The laundry room.

Penny: Hey.

Sheldon: Hello.

Penny: You okay?

Sheldon: If I was okay, I would’ve said hello, and not the much more ominous hello.

Penny: What’s going on?

Sheldon: I’m mad at Amy.

Penny: Did she leave pit stains in your favourite crop top, too?

Sheldon: No. She helped Barry Kripke make an advancement in string theory.

Penny: Oh, that sounds like a good thing.

Sheldon: Well, it would be, except that I left string theory because I decided it was a dead end. Yeah, and then she went behind my back to help someone else prove me wrong. My rival, no less. I’m sorry you had to see that.

Penny: I’m sorry I didn’t have a camera.

Sheldon: Why would she do this to me?

Penny: Well, I’m sure she didn’t upset you on purpose. Besides, aren’t you the one who says there’s nothing more important than the advancement of science?

Sheldon: No, I said there’s nothing more important than me advancing science.

Penny: All right, well, if I’m understanding this right, and all she did was help out another scientist, I’m thinking you might have to let this one go.

Sheldon: Ugh, let it go. I have heard that my whole life. Every time something upsets me somebody says, let it go, you know, like it’s my fault, and it’s not okay to feel the way I feel.

Penny: I don’t know what to tell you. I mean, why don’t you talk to her?

Sheldon: Is that all you have? Shopworn tidbits like talk to her and let it go? Gee, Penny, life’s giving me lemons. What should I do?

Penny: Well, you could shove them somewhere.

Sheldon: Okay, now you’re getting creative.

Scene: The comic book store.

Stuart: Thanks again for your help.

Leonard: No problem.

Raj: Our pleasure.

Leonard: The place really looks great.

Raj: Yeah, you should have burned it down years ago.

Stuart: I keep telling you I didn’t burn it down.

Leonard: We know, we know, because burning something down for the insurance money is a crime.

Bernadette: Stuart, this place looks amazing.

Stuart: Thanks.

Howard: You really did a nice job.

Stuart: And thank you for putting up with me staying at your mom’s through all this. I couldn’t have done it otherwise.

Howard: I appreciate that, and I’m glad you were able to… is that my mother’s furniture?

Stuart: Yeah, she said I could use it. Doesn’t it look great?

Howard: Not as great as it looks in the den where it belongs.

Bernadette: Howie.

Howard: Why don’t you just clean out the whole room? Take the string art clown I made her in third grade and the ribbon I got in swim class for putting my face in the water.

Stuart: What is your problem? She said it was okay.

Howard: Well, I’m her son, and I say it’s not okay.

Stuart: Some son, looks like you spent ten minutes on that clown art.

Howard: Well, maybe I should’ve gone to a fancy art school like you. Then I could run a failed comic shop and mooch off some guy’s mother.

Bernadette: Why don’t we leave so you can cool off?

Stuart: I think that’s a good idea. Take him out of my store.

Howard: Your store? My mother gave you the money to reopen. I’m not going anywhere.

Leonard: Why don’t we go get the food for the party.

Stuart: Thank you.

Raj: Smart, looks like we’re being helpful.

Leonard: Mmm, when really we’re just exiting an uncomfortable situation.

Scene: Penny’s apartment.

Sheldon: Kripke, you know, of all the people, Barry Kripke. I’m so… Are you folding that like a crazy person to get me to do it for you?

Penny: No.

Sheldon: Oh, give me that. Just out of curiosity, if I were to let something go, how would I do that?

Penny: I don’t know, just think about something else.

Sheldon: Can I think about the spiny anteater?

Penny: Sure.

Sheldon: The spiny anteater never went behind my back and worked with Barry Kripke. That didn’t help at all.

Penny: You know, some people try visualization.

Sheldon: How does that work?

Penny: Okay, imagine your problems are a pen.

Sheldon: Okay.

Penny: Now imagine you’re holding that pen.

Sheldon: Okay.

Penny: Now open your hand and let it go.

Sheldon: But I just got this pen. It’s got my initials on it and everything. Look.

Penny: Sheldon, this isn’t that hard.

Sheldon: I may have a better way that you can teach me.

Penny: How?

Sheldon: What if I told you that over the past few months Amy has secretly been giving you little puzzles to test your intelligence against chimpanzees in her lab?

Penny: What? She didn’t give me any puzzles.

Sheldon: Are you sure?

Amy (in flashback): Boy, I just can’t seem to get these scissors back together. Can you do it?

Amy (in flashback): Darn it. There’s something in my eye, and I need to sort these coins by size. Can you help?

Amy (in flashback): Penny? I really want to eat this banana, but it’s stuck inside this bamboo puzzle box.

Penny: Son of a bitch.

Sheldon: Okay, that’s great. Now, let it go.

Penny: I can’t believe you were testing me against a chimp.

Sheldon: Well, excuse me, Amy was testing you. I was rooting for you. Good job on that banana box, by the way.

Penny: Why would she even do this?

Sheldon: She’s been conducting an experiment on apes where they’re given various puzzles to solve. I was surprised at the complexity of the puzzles and thought some humans wouldn’t be able to solve them. That’s when Amy said, want to make this interesting?

Penny: Make this interesting? You bet money on me?

Sheldon: No, no. We designed an experiment involving you. See? Now, isn’t that interesting?

Penny: It’s not interesting. It’s incredibly insulting.

Sheldon: Okay, maybe this will help. Imagine you’re holding a pen. Before you go too far, not a special pen with your initials engraved on it, that’ll make the next part really hard.

Penny: Oh, my, that’s it. Get out.

Sheldon: I don’t understand why you’re mad at me. You should be mad at Amy. Like I was this afternoon. Hey, look at that, I let it go.

Penny: Get out.

Sheldon: Penny?

Penny: What?

Sheldon: I think I left my pen in there.

Scene: The comic book store.

Bernadette: I understand why you’re upset, but he worked really hard to get the store ready. And it’s just furniture.

Howard: It’s my mom’s furniture. It belongs in the house I grew up in, next to that pile of TV Guides and in plain view of what, for a ten-year-old, was a quality piece of string art.

Bernadette: Howie, if the store succeeds, Stuart has a source of income, and he can move out of your mother’s house. Seems like some old furniture is a reasonable price to pay for that.

Howard: That is a good point. But I didn’t marry you for good points. I married you to blindly support me no matter how ridiculous I’m being.

Bernadette: This is why I had to rewrite our wedding vows.

Scene: A deli.

Leonard: Hi, we’re here to pick up an order for Comic Center.

Waitress: Sure, let me go check on that.

Raj: Dude, I, I think that’s Nathan Fillion.

Leonard: Oh yeah, look at that.

Raj: And he’s picking the tomatoes out of his salad just like I do. I always did feel a connection with him. Oh, I have got an idea.

Leonard: We’re not selling his tomatoes on eBay.

Raj: No, if we got Captain Reynolds from Firefly to do a signing at Stuart’s store, that would be amazing.

Leonard: That would be great.

Raj: So should we go talk to him?

Leonard: I don’t know. I mean, if he’s not nice, it’s gonna make it hard for me to watch him in anything again.

Raj: What? The, the guy who plays Jon Snow was a jerk. We still watch Game of Thrones.

Leonard: He was a jerk because you rear-ended him.

Raj: I was distracted. It’s weird seeing a member of the Night’s Watch with a kayak strapped to his car. Come on. Hi, excuse me, s, sorry, I, I don’t mean to bother you, but we’re just really big fans of Firefly. And Dr. Horrible.

Nathan Fillion: Oh, uh, I think you made a mistake. I’m not an actor.

Raj: Don’t say that. I mean, you’re not Dame Judi Dench, but you’re pretty great.

Nathan Fillion: Oh, yeah, I get it, you think I’m Nathan Fillion, but I’m not. So if you don’t mind, I would just love to eat my lunch.

Leonard: Come on. Sorry to bother you.

Raj: Don’t know why he’s so grumpy. I got mistaken for that guy in Life of Pi once, and I’m still floating.

Scene: The hallway.

Amy: Sheldon, it’s me.

Penny: Oh, hey. Did you see that? I, I figured out how to open the door all by myself. Maybe I’ll fling some faeces around my cage to celebrate.

Amy: What are you talking about?

Penny: I know you’ve been giving me secret puzzle tests.

Amy: Sheldon, open the door.

Sheldon: I can’t. I’m naked.

Amy: I just saw you.

Sheldon: Hang on.

Penny: Open the door now.

Amy: Oh, hey.

Penny: Pull up your pants.

Amy: It’s not a big deal. I run tests like this on undergrads all the time. If you fill out some paperwork at the university, I can get you five dollars.

Penny: I don’t want five dollars. I want my dignity.

Amy: So what are we talking, like, ten bucks?

Scene: The deli.

Leonard: Thank you.

Raj: Thanks.

Leonard: Sorry again.

Nathan Fillion: No problem.

Raj: Are you sure you’re not him? Uh, you can tell us. We’re scientists, not crazy fanboys.

Nathan Fillion: All right, fine. I’m him.

Raj: And you’re eating alone at a deli. I don’t buy it, you’re not him.

Nathan Fillion: I just wanted to eat my lunch in peace. But I really am him. And thank you very much for being a fan. If you want, uh, let’s take a picture.

Leonard: That would be great.

Raj: Great.

Leonard: Yeah, thank you.

Nathan Fillion: You bet.

Raj: Wait, hang on. If you’re really Nathan Fillion, what’s the line from Firefly about your bonnet?

Nathan Fillion: I swear by my pretty floral bonnet, I will end you.

Leonard: That’s it, that’s the line.

Raj: Although, I knew the line, doesn’t make me Nathan Fillion.

Nathan Fillion: Do you want the picture or not?

Raj: I want a picture with Nathan Fillion.

Nathan: How about a picture with a guy who looks like Nathan Fillion but a little more annoyed than Nathan Fillion usually is?

Leonard: What do you think?

Raj: Ah, it’s good enough for Facebook.

Scene: The comic book store.

Leonard: I can’t believe they did that.

Penny: I know, it’s so insulting. At one point, they had me figure out how to get a banana out of a puzzle box.

Leonard: Wait, Sheldon gave me a banana in a box. He was testing me, too.

Penny: Unbelievable.

Leonard: And how could a chimp even solve that? That was impossible.

Penny: Really? You couldn’t get it out?

Sheldon: Thank you.

Amy: Wow, the store looks great.

Leonard: So you guys were testing us both? What is the matter with you?

Penny: Eh, what’s the matter with them is they think they’re so smart they don’t care if they hurt other people’s feelings.

Amy: That’s not true.

Sheldon: That sounds like us. I still don’t understand why you’re upset. You solved every puzzle faster than all of the chimps.

Amy: Well, except Barnabas, but he was on Adderall.

Howard: I’m sorry, but it’s making me crazy.

Bernadette: Can you please just let it go?

Sheldon: Oh, I can help you with that. Imagine you’re holding an ordinary pen. While your favourite pen is safe and secure in your pocket.

Howard: Hold that thought. (On phone) Hello?

Amy: How can I make this up to you?

Penny: The answer’s in this puzzle box. Let’s see if you can open it.

Stuart: You could have at least warned him about the furniture.

Raj: That’s what I said when we moved it.

Bernadette: You helped him?

Raj: No, Stuart picked out those throw pillows all on his own.

Leonard: Hey, you okay?

Howard: No.

Leonard: What’s wrong?

Howard: My mom died.

Bernadette: What?

Howard: Uh, that was my aunt. Ma took a nap. She never woke up.

Bernadette: Oh, my God, Howie.

Leonard: I’m so sorry.

Raj: What can we do?

Howard: I don’t know.

Sheldon: May I say something?

Leonard: Not right now, Sheldon.

Sheldon: But I think it would be comforting.

Leonard: Buddy.

Howard: No, it’s okay. What?

Sheldon: When I lost my own father, I didn’t have any friends to help me through it. You do.

Penny: I really thought he was gonna say let it go.

Scene: The apartment.

Raj (on phone): Okay, thanks, Bernadette. Travel safe. Okay, bye. Well, they’ve booked a flight. They’re heading to the airport now.

Penny: How’s Howard holding up?

Raj: He’s hanging in there.

Leonard: How are you doing, Stuart?

Stuart: Still can’t believe she’s gone. I mean, that woman took me in. If it wasn’t for her, I, I would have been homeless.

Amy: One of us would have taken you in.

Stuart: Yeah, I don’t recall any offers. But, you know what, uh, I, I’m glad it worked out the way it did because I got to know this wonderful person.

Raj: Yeah. Mrs. Wolowitz was pretty special. When I first moved to America, Howard was my only friend and she made me feel so welcome in her home. Which says a lot, because, those first few years, she thought I was the gardener.

Penny: Whenever I saw her, she’d say I was too skinny and try and feed me.

Amy: She did that to me, too.

Penny: Don’t take this away from me.

Sheldon: I didn’t care for her yelling. But now that I’m not going to hear it again, I’m sad.

Leonard: If you want, I can yell at you later.

Sheldon: It won’t be as good.

Leonard: Let’s have a toast. To Mrs. Wolowitz. A loving mother to all of us. We’ll miss you.